Is Ayurveda an ancient guide to sexual compatibility?
It’s always fascinating to watch people in the first couple of weeks of summer. The sundresses and tank tops come out, and as people emerge out of their winter slumps, the streets have a lighter, happier energy. The beginning of summer is a time when people want to be more social and gather with friends, old and new. In my classes and on my retreats, I catch the unmistakeable sideways glances and body language of yogis and yoginis interested in more than their neighbors cool tattoos or awesome side crow.
Which brings us to today’s topic. Sooner or later, in all of my Ayurvedic workshops and trainings, the questions come up. It starts off pretty PG, like “Ali, can your Dosha inform whom you are more compatible with?”
My answer is usually pretty simple: Yes, absolutely!
Generally I find that we are either attracted to people who balance us out – like an earthy, stable, grounded Kapha with an airy, moving, creative Vata, or we are drawn to those who are very similar to us, Dosha-wise, because we understand their motivations and feel very understood in return.
But…once the topic is raised, the questions start flying in from all sides. “Ali, does one Dosha have more of a libido?” “Ali, does one Dosha need more sex?” “Does Ayurveda explain why my libido is off the charts/nonexistent?” “Does Ayurveda ever talk about celibacy?” “Ali, which Dosha is more likely to be a sex addict/a bondage fiend/frigid/very fertile/not fertile at all/ the best lover?”
I have heard it all.
And I will answer it all, to the best of my ability.
I stand by my promise to always be as truthful with my students as my knowledge will allow. That said, I also know that we are all different. Sexuality is a very personal thing, and I can give you the answers from the texts and throw my own perspective into the mix, but we all need to make our own decisions about our bodies and our lifestyles.
Right off the bat, Ayurvedic texts all say that too much sex depletes our life force, leaving us weakened and open to disease.
Hey – don’t get mad at me! That’s what the texts say!
I will say, however, that our bodies are sacred houses for our souls. If you do choose to engage, make sure that it is a situation that will bring more health and happiness to your life, not less.
Generally, Kapha has the highest libido, with Pitta following second. Kapha folks love to feel connected to other people, and their earthy sensuality and nurturing, loving qualities extend into all areas of their lives. Also, generally Kapha people have strong Ojas, which is a Sanskrit word for “vigor”. My teacher, Vasant Lad, says that Kapha people can have the most sex. They have the rasa (juice) that gives them great stamina and heartiness. Kapha people can have sex two or three times a week. And yes, they are very fertile.
Pitta people love attention and their skin is very sensitive, as it’s one of the sub-doshas of Pitta. Your Pitta lover will melt with a good back rub. They might get a little jealous, but they will be adventurous and passionate. Pitta types are recommended to have sex once a week. Their fertility is about average.
For Vata types, once or twice a month is recommended, as Vata is the dosha that goes out of balance the quickest. Vata types can have trouble with conceiving, so yoga and the right diet and lifestyle becomes essential for Vatas looking to get pregnant. And all that creative stuff you always wanted to try? Suggest it to your Vata friend. They will probably be game, and might even throw in a few things you never even thought of!
Happy safe, loving, respectful hunting!